This is an extended page of the Bloodborne "About" section, showcasing the descriptions for each part of the Let's Play.


Once upon an operating table, There was a man quite mentally unstable. Blood-soaked wolf for a midwife, creepy demons felt his girth. Crushing them beneath his heel, he stood up and uttered: "Pats...worth."
— Part one
Stepping o'er the body of some half-eaten shmuck, Patsworth ran for his life, and tested his luck. With his whip cane now bloodied, he couldn't help but remark, "How creepy are these crows? And why the fuck do they bark?!"
— Part two
Locked up in their houses for the night of dark work, Everyone Patsworth tried to converse with were jerks. On some real asshole shit, but he paid them no mind, Because that plague masked hottie seemed way more kind.
— Part three
As the doll came to life, Patsworth's curiosity was piqued. Gehrman was already weird, but holy shit what a freak. "Bearer,Seek,Seek,Lest" Patsworth forced her to haste. "I've got a Cleric Beast to kill, and these Molotovs to waste."
— Part four
You guys aren't even wrong, these rhymes will soon become a chore. So lets start the backdown now, with two lines instead of four.
— Part five
Patsworth rode with high spirits, but grew visibly uncomfortable when, Gascoinge tipped his hat and asked him bluntly, "Y'ever had yer shit pushed in?"
— Part six
Of all the spires of Yharnam’s skyline Patsworth could overlook, The sheer girth of Gascoigne’s junk easily left him the most shook.
— Part seven
45 bullets riddled his guts, and Patsworth fell to his knees like a scrub. But the revelation that this world had automatic weapons left his corpse at half-chub.
— Part eight
With hubris Patsworth sallied forth to the gunner, intent to inflict great harm. But instead he became a groupie to the man with a fucking pilebunker on his arm.
— Part nine
A useless plankwood shield is found, like a cosmic joke for fun. "Drop your shield, you pansy shits" said FromSoft. "And raise your fucking gun."
— Part ten
To euthanize the old is a horrible thing, such is agreed by every man. Yet putting down THIS crotchety burden-on-society doesn't seem like half a bad plan.
— Part eleven
We Yharnamites bicker about Avantgarde, and what fancy sets should be worn, But Blood Starved Beast has already shown us that your own hanging flesh cape is TRUE Fashionborne.
— Part twelve
Djura's styles were beyond compare, leagues ahead of their time. But the inability to use his turret, is humanity's greatest crime.
— Part thirteen
Fuck this stupid poisonous fuck, it isn't worth a toss. Patsworth knows the courtyard hunter is Old Yharnam's true big dick boss.
— Part fourteen
Patsworth strutted around Cathedral Ward, fresh to death like his name was The Mack. But his pimp juice spilled when he made a wrong turn, and found a man pointing into a burlap sack.
— Part fifteen
Kidnappers, witches, monstrous pigs, and unholy eldritch regalia. The more he saw, the more Patsworth was certain he'd died and gone to Australia.
— Part sixteen
Patsworth could handle the Healing Church Workshop, though the fullmetal geezers did annoy. But he felt some unease, when he heard some sinister thing from the pits calling him a 'fuccboi'.
— Part seventeen
Have no fear, Zoidberg is here!
— Part eighteen
"How's it going butterface?" Patsworth said to Amelia, interrupting her prayers out of the blue. "That had better be a compliment," she sneered through her snout. He smiled. "Best I can do."
— Part nineteen
Darkbeast Paarl was a notorious shit, with enough kills to scare hunters stiff. But when attacked from down under, Patsworth rendered him asunder, And exclaimed "You ain't Great Grey Wolf Sif."
— Part twenty
Iosefka, I get that you want to save people and help the sick be restored. But I don't think we're sending the right message by me wearing this "Iosefka 's" cap and sandwich board.
— Part twenty-one
Patsworth tripped and found true fear: liquored-up zombie grandmas acting all tarty. Like it or not, he'd soon understand the saying "There's no party like Hemwick party."
— Part twenty-two
Bloody flesh-capes have already been established as the fashionborne discussion ender. But let's be real, covering your hunch with eyeballs is a preeeetty strong contender.
— Part twenty-three
Come on Eileen, oh I swear (what he means) At this moment, you mean - everythinnnnggggg
— Part twenty-four
Patsworth was walking quite big for his britches, feeling on top of his game, So a plank of wood took it upon itself to make him flaccid with shame.
— Part twenty-five
The "One Man Pincer Show" is an ancient warfare lesson tacticians used to give, In which one grossed out the enemy from both sides until they lost the will to live.
— Part twenty-six
Patsworth soon discovered that all of life's problems were answered with a two-handed axe swirl. Then he turned a corner, opened a door and met The Most Suspicious Man In The World™.
— Part twenty-seven
"Losing your sanity to reveal the truth" is a really interesting bit, That immediately stops being a debate once you learn "Truth" means "Gods will now wreck your shit."
— Part twenty-eight
Okay, we get it, enough with the snakes, snakeballs, and snake-headed snakemen. Wait hold on, they just added flameswords to the mix. God damnit, they just made it cool again.
— Part twenty-nine
"Send my regards to the goddess of Snakes, but 3 on 1 isn't fair game. To even the odds, you'll need at least a dozen. For I serve the god of LAME."
— Part thrity
"Dearest Iosefka, you ratchet ass freak, if only you weren't so odd. Come at me if you must, and learn to fear the wrath of the Coward god."
— Part thity-one
Patsworth prayed to the three, for this buss down huntress, to stop owning his ass like a clown. To the Lame God he knelt, to Coward God he confessed, then praised the God of Backing Down.
— Part thirty-two
"Rom, who you kidding? You're barely a spider. With your lil fuzzy tummy and head." In another time and place, Patsworth thought to himself, you'd be Rom the Vacuous Buddy instead.
— Part thirty-three
Sometimes hunters just need to feel charming. Let no man judge them. It's not that alarming.
— Part thirty-four
Reviewing his bucket list with a squint and a nod, Patsworth underlined one item: 'KILL A GOD'.
— Part thirty-five
As Patsworth cut a path through the nightmare, he felt somewhat relieved, That his own personal terrors did not have to be seen and rated by the ESRB.
— Part thirty-six
Ladies and gentlemen, gather round, take your seats, and listen for the noise Of the ghost chariot hooves, carrying you, to part one of C A I N H U R S T B O Y Z.
— Part thirty-seven
Now, what you hear is not a test - Patworth runnin' to the beat, And these ghost, gargoyles, and blood tick girls are gonna try to move your feet.
— Part thirty-eight}}
Check it out, we at C-A-I-N, to the H-U-R-ST, And the rest is F-L-Y, You see we run from the spit of the hobo of the mix, And this BRAND will teach you why.
— Part thirty-nine
I'm, P-Worth the Dimp, the ladies' pimp, vileblood queens fight for my delight. But I'm the great hunter with the madman's nod that shock the house for the Eldritch Gods
— Part forty
Going on'n'n'on'n' on on'n'on P-Worth don't stop until the break of dawn A sayin' on'n'n'on'n' on on'n'on Like a hot buttered de pop pop de popc-OH FUCK SHIT GOD DAMN IT ALFRED WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
— Part forty-one
Patsworth continued to sprint for his life, to escape the vicious mob, And was so successful at being a coward, that the moon decided to finish the job.
— Part forty-two
Picture a monster, vicious bloodsucker, Fat motherfucker now Patsworth's in trouble, As he runs through this nightmare all he hears is frenzy, 99 insight? Mensis laughs immensely
— Part forty-three
OK, first things first I'll pluck your eyes Then I'm gonna rock this head cage and die Cause that's what the motherfucking Mensis do Die like a pimp in my chair with my Mensis crew
— Part forty-four
Mikolash was a prideful coward, a man after Patsworth own heart. But was he ready to deal with the ultimate test? A two-way back down from the start?
— Part forty-five
God damn it lady, we'll find your stupid baby and it's stupid baby face. Where'd you last put it? Did you happen to leave it in a huge badass place?
— Part forty-six
Invisible Murderous Babysitter Satan is the safest place your child can go. Mensis breastmilk is the finest breastmilk the world did ever know.
— Part forty-seven
The year's 1884 and the genre is horror, In my rear-view mirror there's a pregnant whore, I got two choices y'all, ignore the birth or, Axe-kill the baby out of mercy, eat the cord
— Part forty-eight
Now I ain't tryin' to see no Upper Cathedral chase, +8 cannon on my arm could fight the Chikage, So I, see Eileen on the side of the road, she said "Son, do you know what lies beyond those doors?"
— Part forty-nine
Cause I'm fresh covered in blood, and my hat's real low, Do I look like a Celestial being? I don't know. Am I being abducted, or should I guess some more? "Well your insight's forty-six in a forty-four, License and hunter's badge, please step out of the dream, Are you carrying a trick weapon? We know they're not what they seem."
— Part fifty
"I ain't surrendering shit, all my blood is legit." "Well do you mind if I look around your mind a little bit?" "Well I ate 3 cords already, got the eyes inside, And I've killed Gods before, so you best run and hide."
— Part fifty-one
"Aren't you sharp as a tack. You made contact with something? Somebody important or something?" "Well I ain't passed Gehrman yet, but I know a little bit, Enough to stop your old ass from forcing me to do shit." "Well we'll see how smart you are when the Moon Presence come" I got 99 problems but a doll ain't one.
— Part fifty-two Final

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