Yakuza 0 (Full Let's Play)

	Two Best Friends Play Yakuza 0 ;
	; Watch this series on the website Watch this series on YouTube;
Game	Yakuza 0;
Episodes	68;
Combined Length	34:38:38;
Original Run	Mar 28, 2017 - Jun 22, 2017;
Controller	Pat

“I'm glad that we said that differently so that the voice clip is difficult to use against us in the courts.” — Pat

Two Best Friends Play Yakuza 0 is a full Let's Play in which Matt and Pat get scammed into taking pocket tissues, study to become fisting artists, create the modern day sales tax in Japan, join a cult, murder multiple people for a copy of Dragon Quest, get shaken down, lose fifty percent of their vision, produce never before seen results, and buy porn for children. It was acceptable in the 80's.

About[]

“'”

— Website playlist description

See the individual episode descriptions at the Yakuza 0 (Full Let's Play) Series Descriptions page.

Quotes[]

“Start with Yakuza Shawarma.”

— Pat

“Can you imagine if mafia members wore nametags?”

— Pat

“Which era Ally McBeal? Early or late?”

— Pat

“Pre-Crisis.”

— Matt

“Rub-Rub Happy Penis Ten-Thousand Percent.”

— Matt

“Chan.”

— Pat

“No.”

— Matt

“Yeah, they're baristas.”

— Matt

“Is that a wizard or is that an anime?”

— Pat

“I'm coming down with a case of the clap. That's the best way to put it.”

— Matt

“You look like you're covered in another person's blood. You should probably order some ramen.”

— Matt

“Think of the Empty Lot as the rights to System Shock. Nobody knows who actually owns it, then they went and murdered somebody on top of a picture that said 'System Shock'.”

— Pat

“Please have your dong knocking over Ming vases.”

— Matt

“I lost my hand in an argument over what color the Gamecube was.”

— Pat

“He'll shake everybody down. He'll shake everyone you love.”

— Matt

“Look at these hot boys!”

— Pat

“Those didn't exist in the eighties.”

— Matt

“Osakans are basically martial arts cowboys.”

— Matt

“What's wrong with being a fucking weirdo sex pervert?”

— Pat

“Panty puppo peddler.”

— Matt

“Poodle picked a pick of peppered panties.”

— Pat

“What do you want, man who has a PS3 texture on his back?”

— Pat

“That's a PS1 texture.”

— Matt

“True equality is punching a woman in the back of the head!”

— Pat

“Just like Steve Austin woulda done.”

— Matt

“We have to go to Paizuri Street.”

— Matt

“Paizuri Street? Okay, yeah. You're very familiar with that street, I heard.”

— Pat

“I research it a lot. Get maps of the area.”

— Matt

“Directions.”

— Pat

“There's a lot of places to go. Actually, there's only one direction, straight in the middle, but..”

— Matt

“Yeah, it's a big street.”

— Pat

“That guy looked really pissed. Probably because you punched him in the face.”

— Matt

“I though it was called 'Grandma Kakurocho'. I'm not sure if we should go to that erotic video store.”

— Matt

“We'll get to that later. We'll get deeper into that later.”

— Pat

“Even in a casual conversation, you should be working in an S&M flavor.”

— Matt/Kiryu

“That's the worst, grossest kind of M&Ms. You go down to the movie theater and it's like, 'I'd like a bag of S&Ms please.'.”

— Pat

“That doesn't really make a lot of sense but that would fit right in with this game.”

— Pat

“Lord of the Night? What am I Dr. Acula out here?”

— Pat

“Yeah, because it's like, when you're blind y'know, it's like, if you cut out one eye, the other eye gets extra strong.”

— Matt

“Yeah, it gets a little sword.”

— Pat

“I can see why it's like, the competing clubs or establishments, y'know, do their best to try to outplay the other. 'We got Donnie and Marie.'. 'Oh yeah? We got a bunch of Cirque du Soleil people fucking each other on stage.'. 'That's pretty strong.'.”

— Matt

“Slap my butt and call me Super BunnyHop.”

— Matt

“Every time cults come up all I think about is, 'Man, I should have started a cult, but it's too late now.'. Oh, wait. Mid-life crisis.”

— Pat

“Mom gets sad and lonely. She plays with a lot of guys at night.”

— Pat

“For hours.”

— Matt

“Yeah, they do a lot of wrestling. I accidentally went in there and got DDT'd once.”

— Pat

“Do you miss your husband's penis? 'Cause I've got one that's suspiciously similar.”

— Pat

“Why would there be pee everywhere? This isn't San Fransisco.”

— Pat

“Between the two of us, we have one eye. We can make it.”

— Pat

“Welcome to Telltale boys, where your calls don't matter.”

— Matt

“What a weird question, now climb in this asshole.”

— Pat

“Talking to girls is hard. Who would have thought?”

— Pat

“Unfortunately, Roger Jr. is banned in North America. Oh wait, that's not a real story.”

— Pat

“Y'know what's really romantic? Instead of calling a girl you just show up at her work, drunk, wasted with no pants, yelling about the Reptilians.”

— Pat

“I'm gonna kill you and the other five billionaires. Leisure King, Pull-Out King...”

— Matt

“Kupo King.”

— Pat

“Long lumber, is what they call me.”

— Matt

“Sex first, then child later.”

— Matt

“In a crushing it sorta way. Not like he's shitting all over the floor.”

— Matt

“I'm trying to buy childs porns. I mean, I'm trying to buy.. oh no!”

— Matt

“No, why were you hanging out in a homeless person park?”

— Pat

“Shut up. I mean, I was trying to buy a child porn.”

— Matt

“We need to find more, uh...”

— Matt

“Empty lots.”

— Pat

“No, side stories that involve children.”

— Matt

“And pornography.”

— Pat

“Yes, as two separate entities.”

— Matt

“I'm glad that we said that differently so that the voice clip is difficult to use against us in the courts.”

— Pat

“Yeah, then people would have to clean up orphan parts and be like, 'Ah, there's an orphan part in my soup.'.”

— Matt

“Damn, gross. Can somebody adopt this leg, please?”

— Pat

“I don't think anything I will do will help you see Lee-san”

— Pat to a blind girl

“Fucking save me from the Will Ferrel Hour.”

— Pat

“Ah, there's some girls.”

— Matt

“No! Get away from me!”

— Pat

“His arm strength is disgusting.”

— Pat

“It's pretty gross. I'm kinda, like, I almost wanna vomit.”

— Matt

“I know when I get a snake shaped spear through my heart, I fall into comas.”

— Matt

“You just killed Sega. I mean more, I guess.”

— Matt

“More than usual?”

— Pat

“You know a man's evil because he's rubbing a girl's nips out in public.”

— Pat

“It's not 'Put Your Balls in My Mouth'. That's a different song.”

— Pat

“How'd you get your leg so thick? Oh its from running with my arms behind my back like an asshole”

— Pat on Woolie

“Is that what you're pushing right now? Every part of Woolie you can't see right now is probably white?”

— Pat

“Or Robotic.”

— Matt

“It's really sad that my big takeaways for this game is 'I'm a nerd.', 'never before seen results', child pornography, and Face/Off.”

— Matt

“Okay, so if they are on a collision course, who's Jay Z and who's Linkin Park”

— Matt

“...Majima's Jay Z, Kiryu's Linkin Park”

— Pat

“♫ Hentai comes out, Births go down ♫”

— Pat

“How long do chickens even fucking live”

— Pat

“I dunno, like a couple seconds.”

— Matt

“It's like a fidget spinner, that titty.”

— Matt

“Children can fight criminals.”

— Matt

“It's true.”

— Pat

“If children would fucking apply themselves.”

— Matt

“Or, "Here's my permits" and then you slowly push a knife into the guy's eye.”

— Matt

“Sometimes Kiryu's like, 'Why do I bother talking to low polgon people?'.”

— Matt

“I wish there was a photo of Kiryu in the guy's pocket.”

— Matt

“With the glasses?”

— Pat

“With the glasses, and he's giving pornography to a child”

— Matt

“Who's Bret Hart in this analogy? Is it Majima?”

— Pat

“Curbs are a dangerous enemy that must be killed.”

— Matt

“Go, go, one eyed ranger!”

— Matt

“So many battles end with guys with their assholes in the air like that.”

— Pat

“It happens in this game a lot too.”

— Matt

“The love between two men and their love of porn is what resurrected that spirit.”

— Matt

“There's two things that bond two friends to life as brothers, and that's beating other men up and watching porn together.”

— Matt

Trivia[]

The intro was made by Volta Bass.
The intro song is "Force Addiction" from Yakuza 0.
Pat originally planned for the LP to only focus on the main story, but later decided against it, saying that the side mission are better than the actual main story.

The outro tracks for each video are from the Yakuza 0 OST and are listed in order --->
- Starting with part fifty-five, the end title card is replaced with a clip from one of the karaoke mini-games and then random mini-games and side-quests starting with part sixty-five.

Yakuza 0 (Full Let's Play)

Contents

About[]

Quotes[]

Trivia[]

Gallery[]

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Two Best Friends Play Yakuza 0
Watch this series on the website Watch this series on YouTube
Game	Yakuza 0
Episodes	68
Combined Length	34:38:38
Original Run	Mar 28, 2017 - Jun 22, 2017
Controller	Pat