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L.A. Noire

L.A. Noire Full LP Title
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Game L.A. Noire
Episodes 48
Combined Length 24:23:55
Original Run May 4, 2017 - Aug 14, 2017
Controller Woolie
“The whole pedophilia thing in every case has been a bonus.” — Woolie


Super Best Friends Play L.A. Noire is a full Let's Play in which Matt, Pat, and Woolie have the gumption to yell at children and violently murder every criminal they meet, except the child molesters, and still sleep soundly at night, just like a morally righteous defender of the law would.


AboutEdit

See the individual episode descriptions at the L.A. Noire (Full Let's Play) Descriptions page.

Quotes Edit

There's a black person that got shot here, so if you find a note that says, 'I hate black people!', he can certainly pick it up and go, 'Worthless.'.
Matt
I wouldn't be a good cop, I'd be a good Law & Order cop.
Woolie
The Japs love sixty frames per second.
Matt
They do. I do too.
Pat
And fifty percent gumption. One-hundred percent reason to remember your function.
Matt
Fiddle with all his shit.
Matt
Just go through his pockets.
Pat
Flick his dicky a little bit.
Matt
Find if you can use any of his condoms.
Pat
Look at his hands.
Matt
Look at his butt.
Pat
Never stop.
Matt
Look honey, I bought you a new knife set you can fucking stab yourself with, you fucking harpy. Why'd I come home from the fucking war? I wish the war had never ended. I'd rather be shot at than eat this fucking casserole.
Pat
It's overly cheery, so it makes you feel like creepy robots are singing it. Like, 'Everything is happy. Everything is good. Don't worry 'cause the horror's coming to kill you, if you don't know.'.
Matt about 50's music
We have tattoos on our arms that say, 'Poochy Woof Woof'.
Woolie
Gonna fuck a pig like a UK politician.
Woolie
Till it explodes? In your car?
Pat
Y'know, this is a twenty hour game. We're gonna stop doing the voice.
Matt about the 40's accent
You think that.
Pat, in a 40's accent
I'm sure there's some British thing we did the whole thing for.
Pat
Well, like a Machinima episode, but that doesn't count.
Matt
Yeah, 'cause that's real easy to cut down the parts where we're not Britishing.
Pat
Yeah, or funny. There's a lot of that I have to cut.
Matt
It could suck start a leaf blower.
Matt
Something about a little boy's ass.
Woolie
I worry about how well Woolie takes to this form of power.
Pat
Yeah, 'cause he's usually at the other end of it.
Matt
Once again, stealing a flag as comeuppance for butt-fucking.
Woolie
Okay, we've got a husband who beats his wife, a wife that cheats on him, gambles their money, wants to start a business another guy and he has a suspicious amount of life insurance.
Pat
Don't forget the death knife!
Matt
You move faster when you're guilty.
Pat
I hope if I die, my horrible photos get all over.
Pat
Butthole first?
Woolie
Yeah. This is where the explosion happened.
Pat
So you're driving a 1947 Child-Fucker, will you?
Matt
So, remember Punisher has crime sense?
Matt
Geez, Matt. You were scratching your leg, I thought you were jerking your dick, for a second.
Pat
Well I was because I was thinking about The Punisher's crime sense.
Matt
These colors don't run. They don't give you the shits, either.
Woolie about eating the American flag
That weird Bigfoot from GTA: San Andreas is probably around.
Matt
Oh, yeah. I heard he killed D.B. Cooper.
Pat
Hey bitch, why's your husband such a big raper?
Pat
Why is your husband a dirty Gypo?
Matt
Alright, you go down that angle all by yourself, Matt.
Pat
Yeah, you just say raper. You go down that alley sir!
Matt
Alright, we'll see who gets in trouble first.
Pat
I don't wanna watch Kung Fu Panda.
Pat
Well, that's the answer.
Woolie
Golden doorknob, I'm allowed. I mean, LAPD.
Woolie
“'Mulder, this man was stabbed repeatedly in the back with a knife.' 'Must have been the Knife Ghost.'.
Matt
Hey Phelps, give me the keys so I can listen to the radio while I wait for you in the car.
Matt as Rusty
I had horrible adult face as a child.
Pat
And now you have horrible child face.
Matt
If I shave, yeah.
Pat
Do you remember what Machete Man stole from my house?
Woolie
I thought it was your sense of safety.
Matt
A lot of vampires at Belmont High.
Matt
Ironically.
Pat
Just because he didn't finish doesn't mean he didn't do it.
Woolie
L.A. Noire - Theme of Kid Touching.
Woolie
Man, there's a lot of kid touching in this game. Way more than zero.
Woolie
Well you're in L.A. so, yeah.
Pat
I was gonna leave it to L.A. and then you decided to upgrade my shade throw to the entire West Coast.
Pat
Oh. I almost didn't read the word 'shoe', and, uh...
Woolie about "The White Shoe Slaying"
Got a little excited?
Pat
I mean, excited is not the word really.
Woolie
Hopeful.
Matt
I 'll pull out whatever I want. It's up to the cops to stop me.
Pat
I know, but black people are often times just white people with different colored skin. In video games.
Woolie
That's the pose of a necrophiliac.
Matt
I understand you love your job but you're not like, the fucking righteous sword of the archangel Michael here.
Pat about Captain Donnelly
What's a warrant?
Woolie
It's a thing those pussy bureaucrats keep telling me I need.
Pat
Yo man, you're fucking lucky that the other guy is way more guilty than you.
Matt
You think you're so smart, guy who fooled us five times.
Matt
You almost tricked me, idiot.
Woolie
Why would they design it to be like fucking Shrine of Amana? Why would they Dark Souls this?
Woolie about the tar pit
It's like jelly, man. It's really old.
Pat about tar
What did he say there that pissed him off?
Woolie
Who cares about two dead junkies?
Pat
Oh my god, can someone else play?
Woolie
Hanging black people.
Woolie
Woolie, you're getting into this.
Pat
I'm usually the one driving the bus.
Woolie
You're usually driving the bus but now you're in the back?
Pat
♫ Drugs, drugs, drugs. All are good. All are good. Drugs, drugs, drugs. ♫
Woolie
I let those kids get fucked and it worked for your career. Aren't I a hero to you, Cole?
Pat as Roy
I need to be able to shitpost with my mouth all day.
Pat
He died with a can of soup in his hand?
Pat
The eternal dab of death.
Woolie
I combo broke my own memory.
Woolie
The Sears catalogue, a.k.a the Forties spank bank.
Woolie
Michael Jackspn died because he had too much anesthetic in his butt?
Pat
Hey, when I'm dead, besmirch my name immediately, as fast as you can.
Pat
What's that cigarette brand that supposedly all black people smoke?
Woolie
Menthols?
Pat
That's the one. Missed opportunity.
Woolie
It's not so much a brand as it is a type. Why do black people love menthols so much?
Pat
I don't know. We should ask a black person.
Matt
Woolie, do you know any black people we could ask?
Pat
Go fuck yourself, how about that?
Woolie
I'm gonna go wank think about a dead lady. Later, chaps!
Woolie
Morphine? More like Less-phine.
Woolie
Roy will just go play the horsies and then beat up the horse that makes him lose.
Pat
Can you guys burn me in effigy when I die?
Pat
Of you or of something you hate?
Matt
Of me.
Pat
What does that do?
Matt
You pretend like I was an evil guy or whatever.
Pat
Pretend?
Matt
Source Filmmaker has much better production quality than the Berserk anime.
Pat
Hey Woolie, me and you, okay, I'll get a bike, you get a bike, right? I'll steal your bike, then you steal my bike and we'll report the bikes as stolen, get the bike insurance, and then we'll each have a bike and enough money to buy a bike.
Pat
And then what do we do with those bikes?
Woolie
Bike.
Pat
I thought we should steal them again.
Woolie
Yeah, 'cause I heard you talking the other day about how much you like Baiken.
Pat
That was... horrible. You should feel bad.
Woolie
The Photoshop burn tool is gonna get a while lotta mileage out of this section of the game.
Woolie
I thought I was working with professionals.
Matt
You never thought that you fucking lying piece of shit.
Pat
Nothing turns you on like fucking the villains of the world.
Woolie
That's why Woolie regularly masturbates to explanations of how the dragons in Reign of Fire work.
Matt
To be fair, it's just because it's the only time I've seen someone think about that more than not at all, and that's worth...
Woolie
Masturbating to!
Matt
No, no, I spit. Who's putting the tongue in anything?
Matt
Isn't it a bit premature to abort this conversation? Ol' Woolie, with the conversation coathanger again.
Pat
Well I say if the CN Tower's on fire, you just let that eyesore burn down.
Pat
Crispy battered babies. Tempura.
Woolie
How could a car do that?
Matt
That's crazy, did you see that? Did you see that magical car turn?
Pat
Why would Herschel's wife be sitting around shitting in a diaper? Answer my fucking question!
Pat to Woolie
I have a highly specific question. What is the age of old that Woolie believes that becomes diaper shit time? Is that sixty-five? Is that the time?
Pat
He's got a hat and a shaved head and he's a white man, and he's wearing jeans and a jacket.
Woolie
That could describe literally anyone in this room.
Pat
...
All
I'm not wearing a hat.
Woolie
A broom and a dust bin do not an autopsy make.
Pat
Who would shoot at an ambulance with a gun?
Pat
We don't know because we're not gonna go help.
Matt
Which car do you guys like?
Woolie
How about not a slow ass piece of shit?
Matt
Slow ass piece of shit it is.
Woolie
Cool.
Matt
Fuck you, Woolie.
Pat
The whole pedophilia thing in every case has been a bonus.
Woolie
Is this librarian gonna clothesline me from behind the bookshelf?
Woolie
Courtney, you are stupid and cursed. A bad combination.
Pat
It's gonna happen. All the photos with your dick in children.
Woolie
Those are bad photos to have.
Pat
Yeah, Woolie, what the fuck was that?
Matt
Scream in the woman's face like you're playing Melee and you need someone to drop their combo.
Pat
I thought you were gonna say scream like you're playing Melee and you need your mom to pick you up from the fucking center when you're done playing Melee.
Matt
I would never touch myself in a Time Cop style scenario. What reason do I ... oh, I'd high-five myself and die. That's what I'd do.
Pat
Cars kill thousands of people a year, you should arrest a few.
Matt
Tell me more about the doggy sleepy breads from Grenada.
Pat
In a court of law you can't say, 'I did it because of the purity crazy reasons.'.
Matt
How come their cars are so light compared to your car? Is it heavy with your morality?
Pat
Up until that KI check comes in, you're very nervous, but then you have the KI check.
Pat
It still hasn't cleared.
Matt
Redevelopment plan. Matt needs morphine.
Woolie

Trivia Edit

  • The intro was made by Mothman.
  • The music used for the title card is "Main Theme" from L.A. Noire.
  • The original L.A. Noire episode was released during the second season of the Machinima series

Gallery Edit

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