Best Friends Play
Policenauts
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[ Watch this series on the website] | |
Game | Policenauts |
Episodes | 29 |
Combined Length | 14:00:30 |
Original Run | Aug 19, 2017 - Oct 12, 2017 |
Controller | Woolie |
“I was worried she wanted to get a taste of what her mom was having.” — Pat
Best Friends Play Policenauts is a full Let's Play in which Pat and Woolie start their new career as a piece of shit private eye in the seediest place in space, Beyond, home of Freezie-Pops, hamburger addicts, and the worst police force to ever exist.
About[]
- “ ”
- — Website description
See the individual episode descriptions at the Policenauts Descriptions page.
Quotes[]
- “You know who's not up his own ass? Not Hideo Kojima.”
- — Woolie
- “That's righ.. wait. Who's not up his own ass? Not Hideo Kojima.”
- — Pat
- “You know what? We want to be up Hideo Kojima's ass because that's the right place to be.”
- — Woolie
- “I was so wrong so quickly!”
- — Woolie
- “See, he looks really cool to us but to all these future people, he must look like a massive dork.”
- — Pat about Johnathan
- “I am nixing that right away! None of this Little Finger shit going on in this LP!”
- — Woolie
- “I need that guy's spleen more than I need a prostitute. That's a sad sentence.”
- — Pat
- “You must bone my daughter.”
- — Woolie
- “She's so bonely.”
- — Pat
- “Yeah, it's a space watch 'cause we're going into space and that's why it looks like a fucking Roxio piece of shit from '92.”
- — Pat
- “Make the joke you want to make, I can't make all your jokes for you.”
- — Pat
- “Don't tell me to fuck off, tell Einstein to fuck off. It's his fault!”
- — Pat
- “I don't yet have a racist name for him 'cause I'm still trying to work it out.”
- — Woolie
- “I have been doing that also the whole time.”
- — Pat
- “Good! Good! Fuck you, you fucking space colonists. Earth is the shit!”
- — Pat on the Earth taunting space colonists
- “It's like an eye based unbirth.”
- — Pat
- “AIDs has AI?”
- — Woolie
- “And it's named after Gorbachev.”
- — Pat
- “How would a snake fap with no arms? Think about it.”
- — Pat
- “I would love to live in space, but I would tell everybody to go back to Earth.”
- — Pat
- “This looks like the kind of guy that would sneak into the aerospace museum and start jerking off on the Wright brothers' plane.”
- — Pat
- “I was worried she wanted to get a taste of what her mom was having.”
- — Pat
- “Little Billy doesn't do well with explosive decompression.”
- — Pat
- “Please don't Death Note my dad with a laptop.”
- — Pat
- “When people meet me in person they're like 'Wow, you're a short bitch.' and I'm like 'mmm...'”
- — Pat
- “Even if Brazil sank into the ocean, the news would continue.”
- — Pat
- “So what we have here is a weird relationship between this weird jackass and this pretty redhead with a long term horrible illness.”
- — Pat
- “Listen, when Hatsune Miku dies, it's gonna be really awkward to keep having a hologram up there of her dancing with Tupac.”
- — Pat
- “Do you not like to ride a train?”
- — Pat
- “I enjoy a good train ride. Absolutely.”
- — Woolie
- “Then what the fuck is your fucking problem, getting in my fucking face about riding trains?”
- — Pat
- “What disgusting new space fetishes have we.. oh really?”
- — Pat
- “You're about to find out, asshole!”
- — Woolie
- “Bounce a coin off that clone-baby escort ass.”
- — Woolie
- “Is that a horse?”
- — Woolie
- “It's probably the wife. Yep.”
- — Pat
- “Organ failure? What happened?”
- — Woolie
- “Ehh... Anime Mom Disease.”
- — Pat
- “I wanna go to the Spacenauts animatronic pizzaria.”
- — Pat
- “And definitely don't think about the fact that you're dad's decomposing.”
- — Woolie
- “Or do. Whatever works for you.”
- — Pat
- “I mean, that's super mojo killer.”
- — Woolie
- “No, it's a Tojo killer.”
- — Pat
- “Imagine old people fishing and it's like, 'Talk to your dealer about heroin.'.”
- — Woolie
- “He also exploded your Ex.”
- — Woolie
- “And not in the good way.”
- — Pat
- “Is there a good way?”
- — Woolie
- “Yeah, with your dick.”
- — Pat
- “Not if he's doing it. With his fucking...”
- — Woolie
- “Freezie pop.”
- — Pat
- “If you can breed prosti-clones, why can't you breed prosti-soldiers? I mean, I mean, I mean... I mean soldier clones.”
- — Woolie
- “No, you meant what you meant.”
- — Pat
- “You gotta spend money to shit on somebody like that!”
- — Pat
- “If you died, with the fry cook, in the back at the McDonald's, that means McDonald's handles the investigation. Our McCops and McDetectives will let you know, after we file a McReport.”
- — Woolie
- “That monkey was super high on space drugs.”
- — Woolie
- “I can fill you up... with energy. No, with hamburgers.”
- — Pat to Meryl
- “Open up what? Her torso?”
- — Pat
- “My left hand still smells like your mom, I never washed it, but my right hand's for you.”
- — Woolie
- “During his escape, Johnathan Ingram killed five school buses worth of children.”
- — Pat
- “He walked over the wreckage and point blank took out any children that survived.”
- — Woolie
- “Like if it wasn't a cigarette it would be a toothpick, or a toothbrush, or a dick, or, y'know, whatever happens to be handy.”
- — Pat
- “All I know is on the Hideo Kojima bingo card you can check off patricide and matricide.”
- — Woolie
- “And pseudo incestuous relationship.”
- — Pat
- “Well that's just par for the course.”
- — Woolie
Trivia[]
- The title card was made by Norasuko.
- The opening song in part one is "The end of beyond" from Policenauts.
- The song used in the opening for all subsequent parts is "End Theme" from Policenauts, except for episode 9, where the ending is replaced by Pat and Woolie's own rendition.