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Best Friends Play

Policenauts

Policenauts Title
[ Watch this series on the website]

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Game Policenauts
Episodes 29
Combined Length 14:00:30
Original Run Aug 19, 2017 - Oct 12, 2017
Controller Woolie
“I was worried she wanted to get a taste of what her mom was having.” — Pat


Best Friends Play Policenauts is a full Let's Play in which Pat and Woolie start their new career as a piece of shit private eye in the seediest place in space, Beyond, home of Freezie-Pops, hamburger addicts, and the worst police force to ever exist.


AboutEdit

— Website description

See the individual episode descriptions at the Policenauts Descriptions page.

Quotes Edit

You know who's not up his own ass? Not Hideo Kojima.
Woolie
That's righ.. wait. Who's not up his own ass? Not Hideo Kojima.
Pat
You know what? We want to be up Hideo Kojima's ass because that's the right place to be.
Woolie
I was so wrong so quickly!
Woolie
See, he looks really cool to us but to all these future people, he must look like a massive dork.
Pat about Johnathan
I am nixing that right away! None of this Little Finger shit going on in this LP!
Woolie
I need that guy's spleen more than I need a prostitute. That's a sad sentence.
Pat
You must bone my daughter.
Woolie
She's so bonely.
Pat
Yeah, it's a space watch 'cause we're going into space and that's why it looks like a fucking Roxio piece of shit from '92.
Pat
Make the joke you want to make, I can't make all your jokes for you.
Pat
Don't tell me to fuck off, tell Einstein to fuck off. It's his fault!
Pat
I don't yet have a racist name for him 'cause I'm still trying to work it out.
Woolie
I have been doing that also the whole time.
Pat
Good! Good! Fuck you, you fucking space colonists. Earth is the shit!
Pat on the Earth taunting space colonists
It's like an eye based unbirth.
Pat
AIDs has AI?
Woolie
And it's named after Gorbachev.
Pat
How would a snake fap with no arms? Think about it.
Pat
I would love to live in space, but I would tell everybody to go back to Earth.
Pat
This looks like the kind of guy that would sneak into the aerospace museum and start jerking off on the Wright brothers' plane.
Pat
I was worried she wanted to get a taste of what her mom was having.
Pat
Little Billy doesn't do well with explosive decompression.
Pat
Please don't Death Note my dad with a laptop.
Pat
When people meet me in person they're like 'Wow, you're a short bitch.' and I'm like 'mmm...'
Pat
Even if Brazil sank into the ocean, the news would continue.
Pat
So what we have here is a weird relationship between this weird jackass and this pretty redhead with a long term horrible illness.
Pat
Listen, when Hatsune Miku dies, it's gonna be really awkward to keep having a hologram up there of her dancing with Tupac.
Pat
Do you not like to ride a train?
Pat
I enjoy a good train ride. Absolutely.
Woolie
Then what the fuck is your fucking problem, getting in my fucking face about riding trains?
Pat
What disgusting new space fetishes have we.. oh really?
Pat
You're about to find out, asshole!
Woolie
Bounce a coin off that clone-baby escort ass.
Woolie
Is that a horse?
Woolie
It's probably the wife. Yep.
Pat
Organ failure? What happened?
Woolie
Ehh... Anime Mom Disease.
Pat
I wanna go to the Spacenauts animatronic pizzaria.
Pat
And definitely don't think about the fact that you're dad's decomposing.
Woolie
Or do. Whatever works for you.
Pat
I mean, that's super mojo killer.
Woolie
No, it's a Tojo killer.
Pat
Imagine old people fishing and it's like, 'Talk to your dealer about heroin.'.
Woolie
He also exploded your Ex.
Woolie
And not in the good way.
Pat
Is there a good way?
Woolie
Yeah, with your dick.
Pat
Not if he's doing it. With his fucking...
Woolie
Freezie pop.
Pat
If you can breed prosti-clones, why can't you breed prosti-soldiers? I mean, I mean, I mean... I mean soldier clones.
Woolie
No, you meant what you meant.
Pat
You gotta spend money to shit on somebody like that!
Pat
If you died, with the fry cook, in the back at the McDonald's, that means McDonald's handles the investigation. Our McCops and McDetectives will let you know, after we file a McReport.
Woolie
That monkey was super high on space drugs.
Woolie
I can fill you up... with energy. No, with hamburgers.
Pat to Meryl
Open up what? Her torso?
Pat
My left hand still smells like your mom, I never washed it, but my right hand's for you.
Woolie
During his escape, Johnathan Ingram killed five school buses worth of children.
Pat
He walked over the wreckage and point blank took out any children that survived.
Woolie
Like if it wasn't a cigarette it would be a toothpick, or a toothbrush, or a dick, or, y'know, whatever happens to be handy.
Pat
All I know is on the Hideo Kojima bingo card you can check off patricide and matricide.
Woolie
And pseudo incestuous relationship.
Pat
Well that's just par for the course.
Woolie

Trivia Edit

  • The title card was made by Norasuko.
  • The opening song in part one is "The end of beyond" from Policenauts.
  • The song used in the opening for all subsequent parts is "End Theme" from Policenauts, except for episode 9, where the ending is replaced by Pat and Woolie's own rendition.

GalleryEdit

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