Star Wars Week: Episode III

Return of the Bearded Man

Dark Jedi Forces Title
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Game Star Wars: Dark Forces

Star Wars - Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast

Length 1:03:29
Upload Date Dec 16, 2015
Controller Matt (Star Wars: Dark Forces)

Pat (Star Wars - Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast

Previous Terror From The Planet Nintendou 64
Next The Rebellious Pod Strike
“If you clone me, kill it. Kill it so I don't have sex with it.” — Pat

Return of the Bearded Man is the third episode of the Star Wars Week special in which Matt and Pat steal the plans for the Death Star from a Doom clones and pants shitting Klingons. Afterwards, Pat and Woolie activate their god mode powers to aid in their fight against Sith Lord dinosaurs and screen glare.

About Edit

EPISODE III - RETURN OF THE BEARDED MAN MATTSTER JETTSTER and the droid PATRON-336 decided to venture deep into Imperial territory, where they would bump into one KYLE KATARN. Kyle happened to be on a mission for the rebel alliance, which would have repercussions throughout the galaxy. Mattster and Patron had no time for this, and simply wished for directions to the closest Space Stripper Bar. Kyle sighed and gave them the coordinates. Once there, Mattster decided to stay, and Patron instead hooked up with GRAND-MA SWAMPKIN who happened to be passing by. Both idiots then decided to follow Kyle Katarn to see where he would lead them...
— Video description

Quotes Edit

If you clone me, kill it. Kill it so I don't have sex with it.
— Pat
You know what doesn't stun lock you? A bullet, 'cause it kills your right away.
— Pat
Look at that Star Destroyer. It looks super good and not flat.
— Matt
Your fucking beep boop beep medals made out of Legos.
— Pat
What do you do when the Klingons are around but the Klingons literally all just smell like they just shit their pants all day, and they relish in it? 'Ah it's honor. That's what honor smells like.'.
— Pat
Boba Fett climbed out of that vagina, though.
— Pat
Yeah, and he escaped from the Sarlacc.
— Matt
E.T., confirmed villain.
— Matt
Sky means family and walker is a euphemism for... boning.
— Pat
My t.v. is perfectly calibrated you fucks.
— Pat
Yeah, except for all those videos where you can't see anything.
— Matt
Maybe I shouldn't have put a fucking space in your fucking face. How about that?
— Pat
You did a sick backflip.
— Woolie
Yeah, you do a bunch of cool shit when you die.
— Pat
Please don't look away. It's entertaining, I promise.
— Pat

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