FANDOM


Two Best Friends Play

Yakuza 0

Yakuza 0 Title
Watch this series on the website

Watch this series on YouTube

Game Yakuza 0
Original Run Mar 28, 2017 -
Controller Pat
“I'm glad that we said that differently so that the voice clip is difficult to use against us in the courts.” — Pat


Two Best Friends Play Yakuza 0 is a full Let's Play in which Matt and Pat get scammed into taking pocket tissues, study to become fisting artists, create the modern day sales tax in Japan, join a cult, murder multiple people for a copy of Dragon Quest, get shaken down, lose fifty percent of their vision, produce never before seen results, and buy porn for children. It was acceptable in the 80's.


About Edit

“'
— Website playlist description

See the individual episode descriptions at the Yakuza 0 (Full Let's Play) Series Descriptions page.

Quotes Edit

Start with Yakuza Shawarma.
Pat
Can you imagine if mafia members wore nametags?
Pat
Which era Ally McBeal? Early or late?
Pat
Pre-Crisis.
Matt
Rub-Rub Happy Penis Ten-Thousand Percent.
Matt
Chan.
Pat
No.
Matt
Yeah, they're baristas.
Matt
Is that a wizard or is that an anime?
Pat
I'm coming down with a case of the clap. That's the best way to put it.
Matt
You look like you're covered in another person's blood. You should probably order some ramen.
Matt
Think of the Empty Lot as the rights to System Shock. Nobody knows who actually owns it, then they went and murdered somebody on top of a picture that said 'System Shock'.
Pat
Please have your dong knocking over Ming vases.
Matt
I lost my hand in an argument over what color the Gamecube was.
Pat
He'll shake everybody down. He'll shake everyone you love.
Matt
Look at these hot boys!
Pat
Those didn't exist in the eighties.
Matt
Osakans are basically martial arts cowboys.
Matt
What's wrong with being a fucking weirdo sex pervert?
Pat
Panty puppo peddler.
Matt
Poodle picked a pick of peppered panties.
Pat
What do you want, man who has a PS3 texture on his back?
Pat
That's a PS1 texture.
Matt
True equality is punching a woman in the back of the head!
Pat
Just like Steve Austin woulda done.
Matt
We have to go to Paizuri Street.
Matt
Paizuri Street? Okay, yeah. You're very familiar with that street, I heard.
Pat
I research it a lot. Get maps of the area.
Matt
Directions.
Pat
There's a lot of places to go. Actually, there's only one direction, straight in the middle, but..
Matt
Yeah, it's a big street.
Pat
That guy looked really pissed. Probably because you punched him in the face.
Matt
I though it was called 'Grandma Kakurocho'. I'm not sure if we should go to that erotic video store.
Matt
We'll get to that later. We'll get deeper into that later.
Pat
Even in a casual conversation, you should be working in an S&M flavor.
Matt/Kiryu
That's the worst, grossest kind of M&Ms. You go down to the movie theater and it's like, 'I'd like a bag of S&Ms please.'.
Pat
That doesn't really make a lot of sense but that would fit right in with this game.
Pat
Lord of the Night? What am I Dr. Acula out here?
Pat
Yeah, because it's like, when you're blind y'know, it's like, if you cut out one eye, the other eye gets extra strong.
Matt
Yeah, it gets a little sword.
Pat
I can see why it's like, the competing clubs or establishments, y'know, do their best to try to outplay the other. 'We got Donnie and Marie.'. 'Oh yeah? We got a bunch of Cirque du Soleil people fucking each other on stage.'. 'That's pretty strong.'.
Matt
Slap my butt and call me Super BunnyHop.
Matt
Every time cults come up all I think about is, 'Man, I should have started a cult, but it's too late now.'. Oh, wait. Mid-life crisis.
Pat
Mom gets sad and lonely. She plays with a lot of guys at night.
Pat
For hours.
Matt
Yeah, they do a lot of wrestling. I accidentally went in there and got DDT'd once.
Pat
Do you miss your husband's penis? 'Cause I've got one that's suspiciously similar.
Pat
Why would there be pee everywhere? This isn't San Fransisco.
Pat
Between the two of us, we have one eye. We can make it.
Pat
Welcome to Telltale boys, where your calls don't matter.
Matt
What a weird question, now climb in this asshole.
Pat
Talking to girls is hard. Who would have thought?
Pat
Unfortunately, Roger Jr. is banned in North America. Oh wait, that's not a real story.
Pat
Y'know what's really romantic? Instead of calling a girl you just show up at her work, drunk, wasted with no pants, yelling about the Reptilians.
Pat
I'm gonna kill you and the other five billionaires. Leisure King, Pull-Out King...
Matt
Kupo King.
Pat
Long lumber, is what they call me.
Matt
Sex first, then child later.
Matt
In a crushing it sorta way. Not like he's shitting all over the floor.
Matt
I'm trying to buy childs porns. I mean, I'm trying to buy.. oh no!
Matt
No, why were you hanging out in a homeless person park?
Pat
Shut up. I mean, I was trying to buy a child porn.
Matt
We need to find more, uh...
Matt
Empty lots.
Pat
No, side stories that involve children.
Matt
And pornography.
Pat
Yes, as two separate entities.
Matt
I'm glad that we said that differently so that the voice clip is difficult to use against us in the courts.
Pat
Yeah, then people would have to clean up orphan parts and be like, 'Ah, there's an orphan part in my soup.'.
Matt
Damn, gross. Can somebody adopt this leg, please?
Pat
I don't think anything I will do will help you see Lee-san
Pat to a blind girl
Fucking save me from the Will Ferrel Hour.
Pat
Ah, there's some girls.
Matt
No! Get away from me!
Pat
His arm strength is disgusting.
Pat
It's pretty gross. I'm kinda, like, I almost wanna vomit.
Matt
I know when I get a snake shaped spear through my heart, I fall into comas.
Matt
You just killed Sega. I mean more, I guess.
Matt
More than usual?
Pat
You know a man's evil because he's rubbing a girl's nips out in public.
Pat
It's not 'Put Your Balls in My Mouth'. That's a different song.
Pat
How'd you get your leg so thick? Oh its from running with my arms behind my back like an asshole
Pat on Woolie
Is that what you're pushing right now? Every part of Woolie you can't see right now is probably white?
Pat
Or Robotic.
Matt
It's really sad that my big takeaways for this game is 'I'm a nerd.', 'never before seen results', child pornography, and Face/Off.
Matt
Okay, so if they are on a collision course, who's Jay Z and who's Linkin Park
Matt
...Majima's Jay Z, Kiryu's Linkin Park
Pat
♫ Hentai comes out, Births go down ♫
Pat
How long do chickens even fucking live
Pat
I dunno, like a couple seconds.
Matt
It's like a fidget spinner, that titty.
Matt
Children can fight criminals.
Matt
It's true.
Pat
If children would fucking apply themselves.
Matt
Or, "Here's my permits" and then you slowly push a knife into the guy's eye.
Matt
Sometimes Kiryu's like, 'Why do I bother talking to low polgon people?'.
Matt
I wish there was a photo of Kiryu in the guy's pocket.
Matt
With the glasses?
Pat
With the glasses, and he's giving pornography to a child
Matt
Who's Bret Hart in this analogy? Is it Majima?
Pat
Curbs are a dangerous enemy that must be killed.
Matt
Go, go, one eyed ranger!
Matt
So many battles end with guys with their assholes in the air like that.
— Pat
It happens in this game a lot too.
Matt
The love between two men and their love of porn is what resurrected that spirit.
Matt
There's two things that bond two friends to life as brothers, and that's beating other men up and watching porn together.
Matt

Trivia Edit

  • The intro was made by Volta Bass.
  • The intro song is "Force Addiction" from Yakuza 0.
  • Pat originally planned for the LP to only focus on the main story, but later decided against it, saying that the side mission are better than the actual main story.
  • The outro tracks for each video are from the Yakuza 0 OST and are listed in order --->
    • Starting with part fifty-five, the end title card is replaced with a clip from one of the karaoke mini-games and then the disco mini-games starting with part sixty-five.

Gallery Edit

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.